So…

LOSTPROPHETS’ NEW ALBUM IS PERFECT AND I’M LISTENING TO IT NOW, I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT TO SEE THEM IN THREE WEEKS <333

Anyway… Tasha just called me ‘bby’ and i have no fucking clue what to think i mean when she sent it i just felt amazing and it’s the first time i’ve been called that since the last time she called me it in like what… November? I know it’s not much.. but that word just makes me feel all awesome and and and coming from her… ANYWAY

SO my entire life is on this blog… and i’m keeping it here for that reason… EVERYTHING is on here… Kinda nostalgic to see how far i’ve come c: 

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Happy 2012. Let’s kick it off with some awesomeness…

I’m gonna blog more, it helps an unbelievable amount. 

So, today was fun, I went to Sams place and played Warcraft

Sam has moved house, he now lives quite far away, so i have to cycle there… kind of a bitch >.> 

I’m single and alone and yeah i hate it but yeah hopefully someone amazing will come along and be all like LOLSUP BRAH U MAD and i’ll be like BITCH PLEASE KITCHEN and then we have sexy time (Make blueberry mint muffins… MINTY FRESHNESS). YEP. I have my eyes set on Lights Poxleitner. She will be mine. I must have her.

So how do i feel on the whole? I’ve just read through my ENTIRE blog and I can confirm that Livy made me the happiest fucking dude ever and it’s looking back now that I see it… I screamed at my laptop when I read “She asked me to take her back and I said no.” I need to tell her why, but i’m afraid of starting the conversationi, so i’ll avoid it YAYAYAYAYYAYAY. SO. Claudia has probably friend-zoned me, that’s what it feels like anyway, Claudia is this stunning, beautiful Irish girl (Distance again, but something happened that i’m not really too proud of with a girl that goes to my school) who is the kindest most sweetest and most adorable-est(..?) girl i’ve ever fucking talked to and i’ve fallen for her. But I know she’d never go for a guy like me, so why try?

Things suck so hard right now. My History teacher (former) Hugh Jansen… Has terminal cancer, and I honestly have no fucking clue what to do, it’s actually crazy. 

SO YEAH GUESS WHAT?! I’ve gotta fuckton of followers now! 😀 

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I’m playing WoW ALL THE TIME ❤ It’s so amazing :3 

Overall… Dispite it all, i’m happy, i honestly am, I CAN complain, and i will, but in my blogs, because that’s what they’re for. in the meantime, to anyone reading this, please keep your head high. It’s all gonna be worth it, promise 🙂

Sat here.

So I’m sat here… Cutting my leg in the foetal position. I let you down again aldra:/ I’m sorry. The room is pitch black and my tears have soaked through to the actual pillow.

^^that right there is what I’m doing. Not “nothing much”

Why me?

Okay… So, let’s get straight into this Liv business… Actually not yet. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you I’m on the road to recovery…  But that, my friends, would be bullshit lies from yours truly. So I’m gonna paint a picture, heck you can do this at home!

Get a piece of paper, rip into teeny tiny little pieces, and then get a can of deodourant, and a lighter, put the lighter in front of the can, and keep the lighter running, spray towards the paper until there is NOTHING left but ashes. And you have my feelings, my responsibility, my heart and soul. Right there infront of you.

Tearing the paper was enough, but the burning? I don’t need to say anymore.

I did it.

So. I blogged, happy yet? No? Tough;)

So… I’m still a Fucking miserable wreck… Nothing ever seems to go the way I want it too, I just want Aldra to be safe but she always finds herself in pretty Fucking intense nature… I kinda threw up over the way someone treated her today… I just want Liv to be happy… No, I just want her to be mine… She’s perfect in every single way, she’s beautiful, cute, funny, and just amazingly caring… I’m going to hopefully see her soon… Ignore the immense number of elipsis… Elipsisisisisisis ? Something like that:D the dots… Ignore them :L

So, I’m crying as I post this because I told Liv that I was falling for her around 2 hours ago, and she told me not to:’/ </3 she doesn't wanna hurt me… But I'm already broken.

Today… Today… Today…

Ummm… Yeah, me and Liv broke up… and i dont know what the fuck to do with myself, should I be welcoming? Sad? Annoying? Crying? What? So i’ve come to a conclusion, someone, out there, just will NOT let me be happy:/ EVERYONE is getting jobs bar me THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?!

Liv asked for me back… But i know that its distance, and the only way to stop us getting hurt/running the risk of getting hurt is to walk the fuck away:/ So now its 4.14 am (probably not after i’ve posted this) and i’m listening to music, and i’m lonely… I just wanna pick up my phone and spam her message box about how sorry, and ask her back, I really do :/ But for some reason, a part of me knows that this is the way it was ment to be:/ We’re still friends… And if you ever read this… Love-oo! ;DD

It’s a fucked up world we live in, and at times we think that its just not for us, and sometimes we’re our own worst enemies, sometimes we sabotage others for selfish reasons… At times we sabotage our own happiness for the ones we hold close.

The reason why i turned her down is because I have it in my head that this will stop her hurt:/ Lately we’ve been arguing alot, which says something considering the time we’ve spent talking to each other. It happened today because Liv said that she feels like this just isnt didn’t feel right, and she’s right.

What would i have done differently? Get money, somehow. Spend every single day by the phone, make sure i called her every single night. One thing i did make sure is that I told her i loved her once a day. And i did it. For 2 months and 8 days. Not bad eh? 😛

How do I feel? Considering the size of this blog… Broken. Just completely snapped.